Location: Pocatello, Idaho 

Trip Mileage: 6,443.2 

Car Mileage: 216,735 

Yesterday was my first day spent alone in two weeks, which might not be what you’d expect for someone who adopted the life of a nomad. Since I departed my fifth national park, Petrified Forest, I have added six more to the total along with perhaps the wildest place of all, Las Vegas. I was fortunate enough to have my high school friend Nick host me in Scottsdale, AZ for two nights before departing to the Grand Canyon.  

Sometimes you have to dig for profound lessons in life, and sometimes they are simple and at the surface. In Scottsdale, with Nick and his wife Ashlyn, my lesson was that Tajin and Taki’s have no place alongside peach sorbet. Before you can learn this, you really need to know what Tajin is (which I did not) or at the very least you need to listen to your company when they tell you not to order that (which I did not). This all came together into the nastiest cup of “ice cream” that I have ever experienced, and with the grace of God, ever will experience.  

After establishing a new low moment for my trip, I picked up my friend Mason from the airport and we headed off to the natural wonders of Northern Arizona enroute to our friend Ridge’s bachelor party. Here is another quick lesson that I didn’t have to dig for; probably good to establish if your travel companion is afraid of heights before you take them to one of the world’s deepest crevices. Mason and I visited the south rim of the Grand Canyon along with Horseshoe Bend, but we couldn’t walk away saying vini vidi vici. We came and we saw, but the threat of Mason getting queezy and throwing up prevented us from conquering. Still it was great to be humbled by the enormity of the canyons, and there is no such thing as a wasted trip here. 

Our last stop before Vegas was in St. George, Utah for a round of golf with the bachelor Ridge and his brother who came out early for a long weekend. There were no feats worth reporting on the course. Our round was cut short by 30 mph wind gusts. Unfortunately they weren’t strong enough to correct my slice.  

Lesson: It’s more satisfying to be humbled by the beauty of nature than by a three putt. 

In Vegas we got into almost zero of the debauchery you would expect from bachelors in Vegas, that is unless you know anything about myself and the people I was with. We subbed in magic acts for Burlesque shows, and explored the surrounding mountains instead of clubbing. I mean what is more wholesome than building giant legos when there are four strip clubs down the street?

And I’m not just saying this because my mom is my most avid reader and my sister is my editor. My biggest loss came not at the tables, but in the recliner while watching the NBA Playoffs in a “1 Drink Minimum” section. Virgin red bull vodka was not an option, so I thought to order it dirty and just drink the red bull. I quickly learned if you order a Red Bull vodka, they will charge you $8 for a red bull and $19 for a shot of vodka. 

Vegas lesson: If you have to ask, you can’t afford it. If you don’t ask, they won’t give you a discount for being “cool”, and you still can’t afford it. 

At the end of our weekend, the Vegas party dwindled from 7 to 2. My friend Stephen would hang around for the coming week to explore Valley of Fire State Park along with the five Utah National Parks. Sunday morning would be our last PROPER shower until Friday night: A new record for me and I hope for Stephen as well. I emphasize “proper” as we would each take a couple Hillbilly showers. I did use our combined footage for the trip to document and condense the last week down into four minutes, but I also wanted to add context to some of the more interesting moments. 

The first stop, Valley of Fire State Park, was a sweltering 95 degrees. As awful as it was, I was still surprised to find out that the park had shut down hiking for people’s safety. This meant Stephen and I wouldn’t be able to do the feature hike of the park, and this would become a common theme. Fortunately there were still some good sections that were open, including a short hike with the promise of ancient petroglyphs and the hope of big horn sheep. We got to the end of the trail without seeing any wildlife. I climbed up some rocks at the end of the path and saw a man sitting alone. As I started to say hi, he mimed to be quiet and gestured for me to turn around. Behind me was a sheep! I told Stephen to come up, and we sat for around thirty minutes as one by one a new sheep appeared until we had a full family of seven watching us.

I am easily impressed by any animal we don’t have roaming around the streets of Huntington, WV. 

We then stocked up on cooking supplies and drove to Zion to tent camp. We woke up at 6 am the next morning to watch the best sunrise of the trip so far. What we found was that Zion was every bit as crowded as we had heard it could be. Unfortunately, the trail we had planned on, the narrows, was closed due to flooding which further condensed people to other sections of the park. We were still able to go to the trailhead and use the Virgin River to wash off some of the day’s filth. 

The next night in Dixie National Forest became an instant favorite, because as soon as we pulled in we saw a herd of antelope playing with each other. This campground gave us easy access to Bryce Canyon the next morning, which topped the list of Utah parks for Stephen and myself. The spire structures called hoodoos are so distinct that it really set this place apart from anywhere else.

The crowds were also much more manageable and the parking more plentiful. However, as has become a theme, the top rated trail into the canyon was closed due to the risk of rock fall. Still, the image of tall green spruce trees against the red canyon walls made the second trail choice just as memorable. 

On our drive to Capitol Reef we turned a corner and both uttered “oh my gosh” as we saw the orangest moon we’d ever seen. We both agreed that we had never witnessed a moon so close to the horizon. We felt like we weren’t over-exaggerating when Stephen had this exchange with his fiancée, Anna. 

It DOES look like the sun! That was our last exchange with the outside world for the next 16 hours as we entered a massive dead zone for Verizon and AT&T. (This is probably where cricket wireless does their business) 

The most interesting moment in Capitol Reef was Stephen and I reenacting the parable of the good Samaritan. As we were leaving the park on a road that had already tested the limits of my Civic, or atleast my ability to maneuver potholes, we came across a van that was half on the road and half very much off of it. We pulled over along with one other car, and I finally got to put my collapsible shovel to use. I dug out the side of the road to create a ramp and with every ounce of combined strength from two very strong men, one old man, and also me, we were able to push the van back onto the road. It was clear that the woman and her daughter who were driving the van were foreign from the beginning, and hopefully they can now return to Holland with a boosted perception of Americans. Covered in dirt and sweat, the best we could do was to wash ourselves with wet wipes before crawling into our sleeping bags. 

That was probably the story that Stephen and I were most anxious to tell when we got our cell service back. We couldn’t stop smiling afterwards because you rarely get an opportunity to do something so impactful for someone. 

By Arches and Canyonlands we were admittedly tired. We made sure the hikes were shorter and it took prodding from each other to drive on to the next viewpoint. Just like coach Estep taught us in 6^th grade, we left it all out on the court, with the court symbolically being southern Utah.  

Trip Lesson: Don’t reference horror movies that remind you of the surrounding environment as your setting up your tent in the dark — If your goal is a good night’s sleep that is.

Here is my personal ranking of the five Utah National Parks. All of them were worth the trip though. 

1. Bryce Canyon 

2. Zion 

3. Canyonlands 

4. Arches 

5. Capitol Reef 

After dropping off Stephen at the airport in Salt Lake City, I drove out to the Bonneville Salt Flats, walked around the suave downtown Mormon area, and watched around two hours of Youtube videos explaining how Joseph Smith was such a good conman *cough* I mean leader. (I hope I don’t have a large Mormon following) 

Now I am in a McDonald’s parking lot in Pocatello, Idaho. I am hoping over the next couple weeks I can prove to my friends that Idaho has much more to offer than just potatoes and a blue football field.  

My message to Megan Fox and all of my other readers is that you can subscribe to the blog so that you get an email every time I post one. This should help since I know I lack a regular posting schedule. The easiest place to find the subscribe button is at the bottom of the blog page. It’s free! You can still check back between posts to see any updated pictures to the gallery.  

Thank you so much to those who have been keeping up with me. I am enjoying writing about my travels, but it makes it even better knowing there is an audience out there as well.